jokes

A joke is a short story or short series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of being laughed at or found humourhumorous by the listener or reader. A practical joke differs in that the humour is not verbal, but mainly visual (e.g. putting a custard pie in somebody's face).Most jokes contain two components: joke setup (for example, "A man walks into a bar...") and a punchline, which when juxtaposed with the setup provides the necessary irony to elicit laughter from the audience.

Psychology of jokes - Why we laugh has been the subject of serious academic study, examples being:

Sigmund Freud's ''"Jokes and Their Relationship to the Unconscious"''.

Marvin Minsky in ''Society of Mind''.:Marvin suggests that laughter has a specific function related to the human brain. In his opinion jokes and laughter are a mechanisms for the brain to learn Nonsense. For that reason, he argues, jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly.

Edward de Bono in ''"The mechanism of the mind"'' and ''"I am right, you are wrong"''.:Edward de Bono suggests that the mind is a pattern matching machine, and that it works by recognising stories and behavior and putting them into familiar patterns. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs ''as the new connection is made''. This theory explains a lot about jokes. For example::*Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter.:*Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line.:*Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behavior, thus saving time in the set-up.:*Why jokes are variants on well known stories (eg the genie and a lamp): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern.Laughter, the intended human reaction to jokes, is healthful in moderation, uses the stomach muscles, and releases endorphins, natural happiness-inducing chemicals, into the bloodbloodstream. One of the most complete and informative books on different types of jokes and how to tell them is ''Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor'', which encompasses several broad categories of humor, and gives useful tips on how to tell them, who to tell them to, and ways to change the joke to fit your audience.

Types of jokes - WikibooksparJokebook Jokes often depend for humour on the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or the playing on stereotypes and other cultural myths. Many jokes fit into more than one category.

Yo' mama jokes - wikibooksparJokebookYo Mama ''Main article: The dozens.''Jokes of this kind originate in ''the dozens'', an African-American custom with West African roots in which two competitors -- usually males -- go head to head in a competition of comedic, often ribald, trash talk. The target of the traded insults is most often the opponents' mothers, but can involve other family members as well.

Yo mama's so dumb when your dad said its chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon.

Yo mama's so black when she went to night school she was marked absent.

Yo mama's so fat she had to get her clothes from a tent factory.

Yo mama's so fat she eats wheat thicks.

Political jokes - wikibooksparJokebookpolitical See also: Political satire''''Political jokes'' tell about politicians and heads of states. There are two large categories of this type of jokes. The first one makes fun of a negative attitude to political opponents or to politicians in general. The second one makes fun of political cliches, mottos, catch phrases or simply blunders of politicians.

Examples -

Q: A child, an honest politician, and Santa Claus all spot a U.S. twenty dollar bill$20 bill on the ground. Who picks it up?:A: The child. The other two don't exist.

A couple is touring a graveyard when they spot a tombstone that reads "Here lies an honest man and a politician." The man says to the woman, "Look honey, there's two people in that grave."The following joke circulates for quite some time, with many different versions for and .

One day went to see a fortune teller, and asked him, "When will I die?". The fortune teller said ,"On an 's holiday". '''' asked, "Which one?" The fortune teller said, "It doesn't matter, any day you die will be made into a new 's holiday."

See also -

You have two cows

Question–answer - Often posed as a common riddle, the answer is twisted humorously.

Q: Why is Aspirin white?:A: Because it works.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Silver Medalist have in common?:A: They both came in a little behind.

Q: What is black and white and ''read'' (''red'') all over?:A1: A newspaper. (The oldest and most common answer, because ''red'' is also the pronunciation of ''read''; this class of joke works only when spoken aloud so that which homophone is meant is misconstrued because of the inclusion of other colors. This is also related to Word play.):A2: An embarrassed zebra. (This is funny primarily because most people are familiar with the older joke and expect the interpretation to be "read" rather than "red." It is one of the most common "twist" answers, because it's one of the few G-rated ones. See ''Why did the chicken cross the road?'' elsewhere on this page for more instances of the same phenomenon.):A3: A bloody skunk. (A penguin, a nun, or any likely wearer of a tuxedo can also be used in place of a skunk. Also "sunburnt" can be used in place of "bloody."):A4: A blind nun trying to read a cheese grater. (This is a less tasteful variant on A2.):A5: A Goth on her period....and so on.Of this type are knock-knock joke, lightbulb joke, grape joke, Radio Yerevan, and some jokes of other types described here.

Why did the chicken cross the road? -

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?:A: To get to the other side.Although perhaps the most famous of all jokes in the English language, this joke is a Non-joke, in that its humor value comes from the fact that it is ''expected'' to be funny. Additionally, it is rarely told on its own, but instead is referenced, modified, or parodied in a number of other jokes.One of the many wonderful word-plays on the television series M*A*S*H (television series)M*A*S*H was spoken by Hawkeye when the power-mad Frank Burns ordered the entire unit to move just a few dozen yards for no reason at all: "Why is this chicken outfit crossing the road?"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?:A: To get to the same side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road in Texas? :A: To show the armadillo how it's done.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?:A: Because chickens didn't exist yet.

Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?:A: Because it was on the other side.

Elephant jokes - Usually a riddle of the form "Why did the elephant...?", where the answer is ridiculously impossible.

Examples -

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?:A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Q: How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen?:A: Two in the front seat, two in the back.

Q: How do you tell if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?:A: There are footprints in the peanut butter.

Q: How do you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?:A: There are ''two'' sets of footprints in the peanut butter.

Q: How do you tell if there are ''three'' elephants in your refrigerator?:A: The door won't close.

Q: How do you tell if there are ''four'' elephants in your refrigerator?:A: There's a Volkswagen parked out back.

Q: How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?:A: Paint its toenails red.

Q: How can you know this works?:A: Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

Q: How does an elephant ask for a bun?:A: (while waving either arm in a trunk-like manner) "Give us a bun!"However such jokes do not necessarily contain an elephant:

Q: Why did the man fall off his bike?:A: The other man threw an oven at him!

Q: Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?:A: It was stapled to the oven!

“What’s the Difference” jokes - The joke is set up with the question "What's the difference between two - things that have apparently nothing in common?", and the punch line is a pun or Spoonerism in the form "One is (…) and the other is (…)"

Examples - The set up: “What’s the difference between… :1. A Pulitzer Prize writer and a Utah carpenter?”:a. "One is Norman Mailer, and :b. One is a Mormon Nailer!":2. A teacher and a railroad engineer?":a. "One trains minds, and:b. The other minds trains!":3. An international entourage of intellectual midgets and a girls' track team?”:a. “One’s a bunch of cunning runts, and” :b. …Occasionally, the comic effect is based on role reversal or a false difference::4. What's the difference between and the Hindenburg_disasterHindenburg?:a. One is a flaming Nazi gas bag, and the other was a dirigible.

Jokes that require two people - These are double act jokes that need a straight man to give a predictable response to person telling the joke.:Person 1: My dog has got no nose:Person 2: How does he smell?:Person 1: Awful.:Person 1: Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Reese... Reese something.:Person 2: Reese WitherspoonWitherspoon?:Person 1: No, with a knife.Another example is the following exchange between Julie Hagerty and Leslie Nielson in the comedy Airplane::Dr. Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as possible, we've got to get them to the hospital...:Elaine: A hospital? What is it?:Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now...A significant subset of this kind of joke, geography jokes, is based around puns with geographical names.

Examples - :1: I stubbed my foot on a recent visit to an Indonesian volcano.:2: Krakatoa?:1: Yeah, bloody painful it was.:1: I had some dodgy ungulate cuisine when I was last in Pakistan.:2: Islamabad?:1: Tough as old boots.:1: The wife and I took a caravan holiday to Poole.:2: In Dorset?:1: Yes, I'd thoroughly recommend it.:1: My workaholic sister is finally taking a vacation. She's going on a cruise to the Carribean.:2: Jamaica?:1: No, it was her idea.

Dirty jokes - wikibooksparJokebookDirty Jokes Humor in ''dirty jokes'' is based on taboo, e.g., sexual, content or vocabulary. Many dirty jokes are also sexist. Many jokes from other categories are dirty.The effect of the dirty joke may be enhanced by the addition of further taboos, as in the subgenre of ''nun jokes''.

Two nuns are in the bath. One says, "Where's the soap?" The other says, "Yes, it does."The latter joke involves a pun (the word "wears" for "where's"), a sexual taboo, and a sacrilege.Another subgenre is that of unmet expectations, in which the joke is the ''absence'' of the dirty content which the audience has been led to expect in one way or another.

There was an old farmer who sat on a rick / Laughing and waving his big hairy...fist.This joke is funny because the last word of the second line is expected to rhyme with the last word of the first. In such jokes, a dramatic pause is usually made before the punch linepunch word ("fist", in this case).

Sick jokes - A subgenre of jokes derives their humor simply from violating taboos and being so blatantly offensive in their subject matter that (for some) the situation becomes funny, not macabre.One example of such a joke is The Aristocrats, which dates back to Vaudeville.The phrase "sick jokes" appeared in the ''New York Times'' on October 9, 1958, when a football columnist noted that "those macabre 'sick jokes' that appeal to the younger generation are popping up in football quotes." An October 26 article on ''How These Joke Cycles Start,'' indicates that the "sick joke" genre was already well in progress. The columnist gives an example:

Child: "Mommy, when are we going to reach Europe?":Mother: "Shut up and keep swimming."He states that "This body of humor first crawled out from under a stone in London five years ago when several British actors outlined plans for a never-to-be-produced show called ''The Bad Taste Review.''" In 1959 a Times columnist opined that "the tide of 'sick jokes' may be ebbing but Tom Lehrer's 'sick songs' are still at flood."

How do you seat ten Jews in a VW Beetle?:Two on front seats, two on back seats and the rest in the ashtray.

Dead body jokes - wikibooksparJokebookDead Baby Jokes The 1980s and 1990s saw the vogue of the "dead body" joke, a subject which would usually be considered the opposite of "funny." A fair number of the jokes are derivations of each other, told in sequence for maximum effect. Others derive their humor from the implication that the teller knows from personal experience. The jokes took a new, more offensive, twist in the 1980s by changing "dead body" to "dead baby." Like most jokes, they are funnier when they are told rather than read:

Q: How do you get 1000 dead bodies into a phone booth?:A: Use a blender. :Q: How do you get them out?:A: ...Nachos

Q: How do you make a dead body float?:A1: A glass of root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and a scoop of dead body.:A2: Take your foot off its head.

Q: How many dead bodies does it take to paint a house?:A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

Little Johnny jokes - ''Main article: Little Johnny.''Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who likes to ask innocent questions and has a very straightforward thinking. At times he is all too well educated in the terminology of sex, then he is known as "Dirty Johnny", while at others he is all too innocent. He also has cousins across the world: Dirty Ernie, SpainSpanish Jaimito, MexicoMexican Pepito, ColombiaColombian Juanito and Benito, PortugalPortuguese and BrazilBrazilian Joãozinho, Russian Russian joke#VovochkaVovochka, Czech RepublicCzech Pepíček, ItalyItalian Pierino, Estonian_languageEstonian Juku, SloveniaSlovenian Janezek, GermanyGerman Fritzchen, FinlandFinnish Pikku-Kalle, CroatiaCroatian Perica, RomaniaRomanian Bula, NetherlandsDutch Jantje, FranceFrench Toto, and IndiaIndian Chintu.

Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: "Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that". Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't forewarned."

The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?", the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a full stopperiod. "—"Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a !period?"—"Darn ed? if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."

Ethnic jokes - Ethnic humor is particular to a certain ethnic group or culture and may or may not be the same as an ''ethnic joke''. An ethnic joke relies for humorous effect on peculiarities of a particular ethnicity, real or imaginary. Many of them rely on stereotypes about particular ethnicityethnicities, often those from different (neighbour) nations or minorityminorities. For example, FinlandFinns tell jokes about SwedenSwedes and Roma and SintiGypsies. Sometimes they are considered in good taste, meant to poke fun at or about another culture, while other times they are considered offensive or racismracist. Sometimes the difference between the two judgements is in the nature of the joke, and sometimes the difference is in the perception of those hearing it.In an attempt to preserve the humor of ethnic jokes without their derogatory nature, on rare occasions such jokes are told with the word ''ethnic'' or some variant in place of the nationality of the subject. For example: "Two ethnics are out duck hunting. They hunt and hunt and hunt and still have not killed one duck. Finally, ethnic #1 says to ethnic #2, 'Maybe we'd do better if we threw the dog up higher.'" Another twist is letting people of that same target group enjoy a monopoly on telling jokes about themselves.Many ethnic jokes appear in several cultures with nothing changed except the group being disparaged. For example, many United StatesAmerican jokes about CanadaCanadian, CanadaCanadian jokes about Newfoundland and LabradorNewfoundlanders, United KingdomBritish jokes about the IrelandIrish, AustraliaAustralian jokes about the United KingdomBritish and New ZealandNew Zealanders, BrazilBrazilian jokes about the PortugalPortuguese, PortugalPortuguese jokes about both the BrazilBrazilian and AfricaAfrican people, especially MozambiqueMozambican and AngolaAngolan people, Indian jokes about Sikhs are identical except for the ethnic group which is the subject of the joke.A traditional United KingdomBritish form of ethnic joke starts "An EnglandEnglishman, an IrelandIrishman, and a ScotlandScotsman..." (sometimes called Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Scotsman and Paddy the Irishman in Irish versions of the joke; Paddy the Irishman generally delivers the punch line) and may go on to make fun of any of the three by comparison with the other two. Very similar form exists in Russian humorRussian humor, where the lackadaisical Russian guy is portrayed against two other nationalities from a small stereotype subset, e.g. French for amorousness, Chukchee for naive simplicity, German for prudishness, Georgian for brute virility, Ukrainian for greed, etc.A notable case is Jewish jokes. The form may be unusual in many languages, using slang words from the Jewish community and a peculiar Yiddish/German LanguageGerman construction of phrases. A quote from Martin Grotjahn sums up Jewish humor neatly: "One can almost see how a witty Jewish man carefully and cautiously takes a sharp dagger out of his enemy's hands, sharpens it until it can split a hair in midair, polishes it until it shines, stabs himself with it, and hands it back to his enemy with the silent reproach: Now see whether you can do it half as well." See "Jewish humor" for more.

Examples -

An old Gypsy goes to his local council and says, "My wife has become ill, and we need to come off the road. Can we have a council house?"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all order a beer in a pub. The Englishman's beer has a fly in it, so he orders a new one. The Irishman's beer also has a fly in it, so he picks it up and flicks it away. The Scotsman's beer also has a fly in it, so he picks it up and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

A man crawls across Sahara and sees a magic bottle. He opened the bottle and a geniedjinni came out. As djinn usually do, this one promised three wishes to the man who got him free. The man thought for a moment and answered: "First, I want plenty of water, second, I'd like to be totally smooth, and third I want plenty of women of all nations on top of me." The man was turned into a flush toilet in a ladies' restroom at the United NationsUN headquarters.

Q: How do you kill 5,000 UkraineUkrainians at once?:A: Mushroom picking in Slavic culturePlant mushrooms on the freeway.

Q: What was the dirtiest fight ever fought?:A: An Icelander and a seagull fighting on a beach over a rotten fish.

Q: How do you make twelve Jews/Ukrainians get into a Volkswagen/Zaporozhets?:A: Throw a penny/kopeckten kopeck into the back seat.

*And how do you get the jews out?

*:A:Telling it is a taxicabcab.

A PortugalPortuguese was mourning a man beside the coffin when somebody asked him: "Who is the dead man?" To which he answered pointing to the casket: "It's him."

Q: What did God say when he made the 2nd African?:A: Oops, It burned again.

Jewish: "Listen, Silberstein, how is it possible that you sell nightingale pâté for 20 cents when others sell it for a dollar? Do you mix it?"—"I mix it like everybody else does, I just do it honestly—one nightingale, one horse."

NetherlandsDutchman: hey, did you hear the new Belgian joke? BelgiumBelgian: I ''am'' Belgian. Dutchman: That's alright, I'll tell it slowly.

See also -

Newfie

Molbo story

Russian joke#Ethnic stereotypesRussian joke: Ethnic stereotypes

Sexist jokes - A ''sexist joke'' is one that expresses the sexist belief that one gender identitygender or sex is somehow superior to the other. These are usually told nowadays in conjunction with the Sick Joke category, meaning that they are not intended to be funny because the speaker holds that opinion, but that they are funny for the shock value.

Examples -

Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?:A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?:A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven!

Q: Why does a man have a hole in the end of his penis?:A: To get oxygen to his brain!

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?:A: Because she was a woman!

Q: How do you get your dishwasher to work?:A: Slap her!

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?:A: What can you say? She's already been told twice!

Q: Why are women like football pitches?:A: Because you can score at both ends.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?:A: That's not the point, why wasn't she in the kitchen?

Q: A woman gets hit by a car. Whose fault is it?:A: It's the woman's fault - what was she doing outside the kitchen?

Q: A women gets hit by a bike. Whose fault is it?:A: It's the driver's fault for driving into a kitchen.

Q: How do you call the window in the kitchen?:A: The woman's view of the world.

Helen Keller jokes - A Helen Keller joke is an offensive joke about Helen Keller, usually making fun of her handicaps. (Deaf, BlindnessBlind, and Mute)

Examples -

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?:A: They rearranged the furniture!

Q: Why did nobody hear her? :A: She was wearing mittens.

Q: What did Helen Keller say after running her hands over a cheese grater?:A: That was the most violent book I ever read.

Less offensive versions - Sometimes, jokes that may be considered offensive (such as racist and sexist jokes) can be adapted in such a way as to remove the offensive content. This is especially true when the specific race or sex is portrayed as incredibly stupid. In these cases, they may be told involving a #Blonde jokesblonde or a generic "stupid person" instead of the race or sex in question.When a trait besides intellect is the topic of the joke, a less offensive adaptation may still be possible. Take, for example, this joke:

Q: A man has an erection, and he runs right into a brick wall. What does he say?:A: "Ow, my nose!"In this form, the joke is reliant on either the stereotype of man having large noses, or the stereotype of man having small penises. However, if the man is replaced with Cyrano de Bergerac (or Severus Snape), the humor remains intact without the use of racial stereotypes.

Blonde jokes and Essex girl jokes - ''Main article: Blonde jokes.''wikibooksparJokebookBlonde Jokes Blonde jokes are a class of jokes which make light of the stereotype of the blonde woman (or, more rarely, blond man) as unintelligent, sexually promiscuous, or both. Like all humor based on stereotypes, blonde jokes are found offensive by some people. However, they tend not to be as controversial as racial humor or other forms of dark comedy. Many are, in fact, variations on racist jokes that have been adapted specifically to make them less offensive.A United KingdomBritish variant of the blonde joke is the Essex girl joke, which became popular in the late 1980s, and satirizes working-class girls from the county of Essex.

Jokes about animals - Jokes about animals have signs of fable. The animals, which live in the forest, behave like humans. They are depicted with human properties. A fox is usually clever, a bear strong, and a hare astute and cheeky.

Example -

Fox, hare, and bear play cards. Bear says, "If somebody cheats, I will smash his face. His small, red face."

Bear and Hare are sitting in the woods going No. 2. Bear ask Hare, "Do you find that the poo sticks to your fur?" Hare says, "No, why?" So the bear picks up the hare and wipes his butt with him.

Shaggy dog stories - wikibooksparJokebookShaggy Dog Stories A shaggy dog story is an extremely long and involved joke with a weak or completely nonexistent punchline. The humor lies in building up the audience's anticipation and then letting them down completely.Shaggy jokes appear to date from the 1930s, although there are several competing variants for the "original" shaggy dog story. According to one, an advertisement is placed in a newspaper, searching for the shaggiest dog in the world. The teller of the joke then relates the story of the search for the shaggiest dog in extreme and exaggerated detail (flying around the world, climbing mountains, fending off sabre-toothed tigers, etc); a good teller will be able to stretch the story out to over half an hour. When the winning dog is finally presented, the advertiser takes a look at the dog and states: "I don't think he's so shaggy".

You have two cows - wikibooksparJokebookYou have two cows A large number of jokes, beginning "You have two cows...", describe what would be done with the cows under a certain political or economic system. The jokes satirize many countries, television shows, religions, and systems, especially bureaucracy, communism, and capitalism.

Examples -

''Atheism'': You have two cows. They came from nowhere.

''Bureaucracy'': You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

''Canadianism You have two cows. Vous avez deux vaches.

''Capitalism You have two cows. A big cattle company ousts you off the business. You sell your cows and work for the big business.

''Communism You have two cows. Everyone owns all the cows and everyone is equal. If you happen to be in charge of everyone and their cows, you own more of the cows than everyone because you are more equal than they are.

''Democracy You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products.

''Dyslexia You have two wocs.

''Racism'': You have two cows. One of them is brown.

Religion in jokes - There are many categories of jokes on religious subjects.

Jokes based on stereotypes associated with people of religion. An example is the whole genre of ''Nun jokes''.

Jokes on classical religious subjects: crucifixion, Adam and Eve, St. Peter at The Gates, etc.

Jokes that collide different religious nominations: "A rabbi, a medicine man, and a pastor went fishing..."

Letters and addresses to God.The magazine ''The Door (satirical Christian magazine)The Door'' describes itself as "The World's Pretty Much Only Religious Satire Magazine." Readers of Ship of Fools (website)Ship of Fools realise this is a bit of a joke.

Other classes of jokes -

Administratium

Drummer joke

Grape joke

In Soviet Russia

Island Joke

Knock-knock joke

Meta-joke

Lightbulb joke

Russian joke

Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

You have two cows

Ole and Lena

Pun

Bilingual pun

Gandenberger joke

See also -

Comedy

Funny

Insult

Internet humor

Jester

Punch line

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